(This piece was originally written for publication in a local daily it appeared on an obscure page and forgotten)
My editor is an insufferable pain in my behind.Always hounding me for the next piece with years on the deadline still! He often makes me wonder why i thought writing would be such a great gig. I put it down to the romanticism of youth.admittedlly I am a lazy lout who figured that i could skim through life by way of churning out 500 words every now and then. A word from the wise to the misty eyed romantics out there, writing can suck!
Speaking of the folly of youth allow me to regale you with a yarn on my induction into the realm of cynicism. I have always ben an incorrigible romantic.Well more then than I am now anyway.The vagaries of the potential cruelty of cupids treacherous arrows have left too many scars on my poor heart! See I am still a romantic !
This romantic streak I have always blamed on being brought up in a household packed to the rafters with womenfolk. Six sisters ,a mother, house-girl and a myriad aunties and cousins in transit .In truth the “Mills and Boons” that they left lying around were not entirely to blame. It was my infernal curiosity and voracious reading habit that led me down that slippery slope.
Unlike the espionage intrigues of Robert Ludlum that had become my fodder these books wreaked havoc on my pubescent ,hormone ravaged senses. The colorful descriptions of lovemaking tore through my psyche like a hurricane on crack cocaine. .Unlike the intricate twists and turns of the plots conjured by Jeffrey Archer the story-lines were boringly predictable. But the turns of phrase quite literally had me gasping for more. They were in my mind to die for.
I would leaf through one of these tomes in between heavier stuff ,usually in seclusion. Feigning ignorance in response to the shrill wails of a misplaced book.Thus was born my gradual plagiarism of some corny lines when I quite startlingly discovered an unwarranted attraction to my desk-mate’s bumpy chest. These flights of fancy involving my desk-mate’s protuberances ,my sweat lined palms and wandering lips drove me to distraction and plummeting grades.
I somehow mustered the wherewithal to apply myself to my studies and moved on without further incident to high school. My letters to the giddy school girls in the neighboring school soon became legendary.Prompting love struck boys in my class to contract me in expressing their undying love and devotion to their respective objects of affection.
I soon had quite a sizable float of surplus bread at the school canteen seeing as bread was the preferred currency at the time. Soon enough word of my particular talents got round to the boys in the upper echelons of the school hierarchy. I was thus exempt from all manner of manual work and set to work producing love notes by the dozen.
I soon foresaw a snag in my budding enterprise and began mass producing these endearments. I was forced to start a filing system of sorts to keep certain story lines fluid and to ensure that the letters did not end up in the wrong hands. Though the returns were good it soon started to look like a chore and i soon tired of the whole thing and wound up my business much to the chagrin of the other lads. I kept the juiciest pieces for myself of course and several favored repeat clients.
I had some trouble weaning off some of the older boys who had resorted to threats so I kept a couple of clients albeit under some duress. In retrospect I must have turned out a couple of novellas in that time. I had also had time to dabble in some drama, public speaking and the debate club all with varying degrees of success. My self confidence had grown in leaps and bounds .I was the recipient of a myriad scented letters some replete with smudged lipstick kisses.
My gift of the garb had by this time also earned me a couple of real kisses(Or so i thought) and some under the shirt action as well. But I had set my eyes and fluttering heart on a particularly delectable nymph from the sister school down the road. The problem was that she was seemingly impervious to my advances. I was at first baffled then outraged at the insolence of this provincial wench!
During a function at our school I made a last ditch desperate attempt to win her over. I completely misjudged the atmosphere and circumstance,my timing was completely off as was my game on that fateful afternoon. Though the details are a little too embarrassing to put down here suffice it to say that I had egg all over my face that day .
My fall from grace as the swashbuckling,nerdy looking, smooth talking Lothario couldn’t have been more public or embarrassing .Majority of the student body witnessed it. Though I would live to romance other girls off their silly little feet cupids arrow had left a huge dent in my self confidence. The seed of cynicism had been planted by that Taita femme fatale .It bothered me that this cynicism that was sprouting dogged the altruism i still harbored.Little did I know that it was just the beginning.
With that lesson painfully learnt I embarked on a short lived hiatus from chasing skirts. My resolve was broken less than a week later when I received a letter from my fatal attraction . She apologized for her behavior and offered to link up over the looming holidays. I w as over the moon ! Oh! To be young and in love again!
But that is a story for another day . My 500 words for the day are done and i am off to a more sedentary activity ! Some traits like inherent laziness do die hard after all !